In my opinion, if hell exists, it’s not some mystical fire filled inferno with half man/half goats guarding the gates. I think that if you get sent to hell, you’re going to be stuck in the least desirable situation you can imagine…FOREVER.
I’ve always considered my own idea of hell as spending eternity on some kind of freighter or fishing vessel out in the middle of a freezing, stormy sea.You know, like the kind of boat that Hollywood likes to use as a backdrop for terrorist plot lines or say, on any of the boats on Deadliest Catch.
A couple of weeks ago I watched an episode of Our America on OWN where Lisa Ling spends three days at a Christian Faith Healer Revival. And that’s when I decided there was a new form of hell I hadn’t quite considered: spending eternity in a soulless hotel ballroom watching entitled-white-Christian-twenty-somethings and their steroid-junkie-Affliction-T-Shirt-wearing-prophets praying…and preying upon people that had lost all hope.
Last night Alek and I got all snuggled in on the couch to watch TV and for some reason ended up watching Deadliest Catch until 1:00 in the morning. I started wavering on my new Faith Healer Revival hell – maybe a cozy religious revival hotel ballroom WOULD be better than an Alaska king crab boat. It looked so nauseating (I mean, those waves never stop do they??), and cold, and fish-gut-y, and cramped and scary and dangerous and and those waves never stop to they??
We had a quick discussion about it and in the end, both decided that the boat was the lesser of the two evils:
1. You’re surrounded by the vast beauty and spectacle of nature
2. You’re making shit-tons of money
3. Free King Crab.
4. You develop a bond with your crew mates that most people will probably never experience in their lives
5. You get to drink alcohol
Oh yeah, and you get to have a bad-ass Johnny Cash song as your theme.